Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She told me I should be a condom model.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
