As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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