I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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