I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
