She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
