I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
