I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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