Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
