even my farts smell like vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
