he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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