just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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