Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

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  (443): her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way. http://tfl.nu/3gxo
  Replies (5) Good night (634) Bad night (1685)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.

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  (702): i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again. http://tfl.nu/kiui
  Replies (23) Good night (5878) Bad night (1179)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore

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  (781): I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore http://tfl.nu/jp8t
  Replies (19) Good night (862) Bad night (4069)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (47) Good night (12933) Bad night (887)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...

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  (203): so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin... http://tfl.nu/2jr9
  Replies (23) Good night (1099) Bad night (5423)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1164) Bad night (3929)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.

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  (773): His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ofzk
  Replies (24) Good night (2041) Bad night (3964)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before

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  (416): Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before http://tfl.nu/meit
  Replies (4) Good night (3127) Bad night (3373)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.

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  (267): WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS. http://tfl.nu/9tp1
  Replies (10) Good night (2811) Bad night (826)
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  (331): View more from Illinois

  DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME

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  (331): DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME http://tfl.nu/8t0w
  Replies (7) Good night (2680) Bad night (525)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining

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  (541): oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining http://tfl.nu/nogg
  Replies (7) Good night (377) Bad night (1323)
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  (650): View more from California

  At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.

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  (650): At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe. http://tfl.nu/ot23
  Replies (2) Good night (842) Bad night (265)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.

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  (248): Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you. http://tfl.nu/e3a4
  Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (603)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.

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  (908): i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real. http://tfl.nu/55e2
  Replies (0) Good night (443) Bad night (298)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.

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  (847): Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night. http://tfl.nu/o2i2
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (238)

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