Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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