I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet