I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.