Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.