Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
