i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize