I am full of burrito and curiosity
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
