why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
