Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sarcasm needs its own font
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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