My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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