Im at strip club and am horny
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
