I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two words: nipple clamps
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