watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
