Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
