whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
