DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
