Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
