I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize