She's JV to your varsity
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
