I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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