I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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