I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
