I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
