she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
