3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize