That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
