I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
