You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
