Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
