I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
