RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
