he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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