Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
