so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
