Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
