I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
