Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
