the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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