New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
