i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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