Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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