I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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