My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
