Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
