can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
