Do vagina's smell?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
