haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
