it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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