i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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