I wish I could teleport
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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