$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
