I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
