so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
