Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
