so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
