i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
