I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
