after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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