wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
