I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
