You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
